Five Flames

I know that I am not supposed to write things here that are needlessly negative, but I am having a Calvin and Hobbes moment where I want to be bratty Calvin and write a list of things that really tick me off. Once I write them here, I know my brain will have that much more room in it for other things. So, this is sort of like emptying the trash, or at least I am going to pretend that it is.

Number One - Fish Fins

There is nothing that ticks me off and drives me crazier than getting fish fins stuck in my skin like slivers. I'm not grossed out by getting slivers when they're wood, but for some reason when it's part of a wet dead animal that I'm trying to prepare as food and I'm oddly terrified of the stupid creature on my cutting board - it's enough to send me running to the bathroom for the tweezers and not caring in the least if whatever is in the frying pan burns. I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! My country isn't land locked by any means, but MAN ALIVE! The number of times I've had to deal with dead swimmy animals isn't many and I find the situation so nerve wracking that .... ARGH!

Number Two - Van's Return

So, I released the chapter of Mystic Wings when Van comes back and ... fanfiction.net's review function was down. I was hoping to break records with that chapter, and now the opportunity is gone and it'll never come back. That chapter was SO important. I guess I'm not as pissed off as I am grossly disappointed. Grossly!

Number Three - Being a Woman

Sometimes, I'm cool with the fact that men are built to be absolute work machines while women are not. Well, I'm really not built like that and I'm getting so tired of my body breaking down on me because I'm a woman. I used to think that I was indestructable, but lately I'm thinking that I'll be lucky to see 25. One time, I read a biography of someone written in the late 1800's and they said in a letter that they'd be lucky to see 40. I'll bet his wife thought she would be lucky to reach 30. No wonder women in the old days thought that they needed to have a man look after them - they would!

Number Four - My Latest Project

I started working on one of my more interesting and personally important writing projects and ... I am so unbelieveably tanked about how it's going. I have a whole novel planned out, but I can't figure out how to start it to save my life. I've now written the opening paragraphs three times and I'm still not satisfied. Remember in that ancient movie Throw Mama from the Train, Billy Crystal is trying to figure out how to start his novel and after hours and hours of agony, the only thing he can come up with was, "It was a dark and stormy night"? Yeah, it's like that. If I don't get a better idea soon, I'm gonna have to go work on Mark of a Goddess and I really don't feel like doing that right now.

Number Five - My Apartment

Lately, I've got the bug in my head that I want to move. It's like when you get the idea that you have to cut your hair and you can't relax until you get it done. Yeah, it's exactly like that. My apartment is really small and living in it is sort of a pain in the butt, so I want to move to a place that suits me better, but I can't do anything right away. I found where I want to live, but I have to be on a waiting list, so I'll have to live in my tiny apartment for an unknown amount of time. But even if I do get to move, I'll be moving to a place that has two more floors than what I've got now. I won't have near enough furnature to coming close to filling it. So, will I have to buy more? And if I do, will I end up eventually having to move to a smaller place and then having to give up all this stuff I've accumulated. I friggin hate stuff. But having an empty living area doesn't suit me either.

Life is so inconvenient.

Command Decision Part II

So, when I eliminate something from my life, I'm going to call it a 'Command Decision', and give it a number. Let's see how many of things I can eliminate from my life by the time I get sick of doing this blog thing.

Today, the thing that will be eliminated is my dream of ever owning a dog. Sometimes, people ask me if I'm a dog person or a cat person. Well, I've never owned a pet in my life, so I've never known the answer to this question, but I think I've come to the conclusion that I'm a cat person. It's not that I particularly like cats better than dogs. It's just that I think a cat suits my lifestyle better than a dog. Here's my reasoning:

• Dogs need affection. I'm not affectionate. I have enough things in my life that need TLC that I can't spare love for a furball. I don't think I particularly need its love either. I just want a little cuddle bug who'll come warm my lap when I'm watching a movie, or reading, or crocheting.
  
• Dogs need exercise. I'm not into getting up and taking the dog for a walk. I like going on walks, but I don't want to be compelled to go in really cold weather. I don't smoke, so I'm not used to being outside for no real reason when your breath starts freezing.
  
• Dogs are vengeful. Dogs will eat and basically destroy your home if you aren't there for them (walks, attention - stuff like that). The SPCA won't even let you have a dog unless someone is going to be home with it for so many hours a day. Like I can put up with that crap.
• Dogs need to be 'let out'. I live in an apartment, I can't let anything out, unless by out - you mean onto the balcony. And I don't want any presents out there.
• Dogs shed. That's the rule - nothing that globbers and nothing that sheds in my house at the same time. I already have the slobberer, so decision already made.
• Dogs bark. Someone in my apartment building recently got a dog and the freaking thing is driving me bonkers. I'm not a mean person, but it sure is annoying.

Don't get me wrong. Dogs are great. I had a dog I loved once, and he loved me too, but he was a dog that didn't do any of the things I've listed, except shed, because he couldn't help it. He used to run 50 km/hr by the car and sit by my feet, and sneak out and into the house when no one was looking. He was a soft spoken quiet sort of fellow with a long nose and personality like Hobbes (Calvin and Hobbes), and I loved him. Yeah, and he's gone now, but I'm left with the memory of what a great animal he was.

However, it doesn't change my mind about it. I never plan to get a dog as long as I live. I probably won't get a cat either, but I don't want to say something final like that. One day I might be an old woman who wants to own several dozen cats. What? I might be.

The Doctor Said ...

I went to go visit my doctor the other day and while I was there, I had a rather interesting adventure, which I will now explain in detail.

...

And that's why toilet paper and paper towel are not interchangable. Makes a lot of sense, ne?

I'm in love with my Puppy

Before I start, I just want to say that I stole this image from this web site - http://dear-inuyasha.weblogger.terra.com. As I am writing yet another post about Inuyasha, I thought I might as well get a pic, and since fanart is sometimes way cuter - I thought I'd borrow this. I know that last time I said something about not wanting to soil my harddrive with a picture of that loser Inuyasha. I said some things. He might have said some things too. The point is, we're both sorry.

So, I kept watching Inuyasha, and not I think the last episode I saw was episode 57. When I wrote my last post, I was on episode eight, so now I feel more educated.

Let's see, I still thought it was pretty bad and it didn't start to spark my interest until after episode 20. Let me just say that that is not an acceptable length of time to wait for a series to get interesting. Most anime series' are only 26 episodes long to begin with. If I was watching fansubbed anime, there's no way I would have gotten as far as this, because I would have stopped going through the effort to download it. However, like I said, my cousin lent me his DVDs, so if it wasn't stacked beside my laptop, I never would have gone through the effort. It's pretty good now, and I see that my comparison to Kenshin was, I hate to say this - TOTALLY FAIR. It's all about the swordsmanship. So, good times! I'm pleased with how that angle of the story is going.

Next the romance. Ah, the romance. I have to say that I wasn't a fan of the romance in Kenshin (the series - I really didn't care if Kaoru and Kenshin got together) and I can't say that I care overly if Inuyasha and Kagome get together either. I'm finding all the other struggles far more interesting. I can't help it.

Now, try to remember that I have only seen to episode 57, so I feel like posting my prediction for how the series is going to end (the romantic aspect). I could be wrong - I'm probably wrong, but this is what I think. I think Inuyasha will end up following Kikyo down to hell and that then when Kagome goes back to school, a mysterious transfer student with white hair joins her class.


"It was given to me by a mysterious and invisable ..."

"A mysterious and invisible what?"

"I don't know, it was so mysterious and invisable."

Weird little Muppet Quote

So, of course the transfer student would be the reincarnation of Inuyasha and then he and Kagome would get to be together. I don't know - I could be wrong. If the series doesn't end then there's no way that could happen and I don't know if Inuyasha ends. It might not. If not, I'm sure I could find some fanfic that has already explored the idea.

I'll talk about this again if I am still doing this in a few weeks - and judging by the stack of DVDs still sitting here, I very well may be.

AMV Romance

In this life there are very few things that really inspire me and make me breathless. One of the things that does both of these things are AMVs.

AMV - Anime Music Video.

I've decided to list my top three AMVs and say why I love them. I'm sorry that I'm not listing the creators. If anyone goes to animemusicvideos.org they will be able to do a search lickety split and be able to download the vids for their viewing pleasure within like 10 minutes. And I'm lazy, so I won't be listing creators.

Full Moon wo Sagashite - Queen 'Who wants to live Forever?' This is such a lovely video - so lovely. Full Moon wo Sagashite is about death (among other things) and the pairing of this song with this anime is perfect. I used to only think of Highlander whenever I heard this song - now I think of Full Moon wo Sagashite. The pic I've included is a manga cover I believe.

A Vision of Escaflowne - Limp Bizkit 'My Way'. I don't normally listen to music like this, but Escaflowne is a really good series to make AMVs for and so it's hard to screw it up. There are so many good scenes in it that if a person bombs it, ya gotta be like, HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? This one focuses on Van and Dilandau beating the crap out of each other and doesn't even show Hitomi once. It's AWESOME!

Neon Genesis Evangelion - Verticle Horizon 'Everything you Want'. Anyone who's hung around here a little bit has probably heard how batty I am about this one, so I'll leave it. However, I have to say that this song is probably one of the best songs ever released - by anyone. It's so powerful and stylish and a little noisy. I love this song.

So now that I've done my list I can talk about why I love them so much. I feel like they really do a good job of highlighting one important aspect of an anime and the music chosen to help relay that message can be so perfect it pulls a person to their knees. It's like watching the ULTIMATE preview for a movie (a ten hour movie). One time I was, okay, I lied. Sometimes, I end up seeing previews for anime series' that they put at the front of whatever I've rented or bought and the preview is in English and they're obviously marketing the anime to ... ? I don't know who they're trying to market it to. I have no idea. Who would be interested in anime with such crappy previews. Seriously. It's been like six years since I first saw a preview for Biohunters and ya know what, on the recent (sort of) release of the new Vampire Hunter: D the preview is still the SAME. ARGH! Who the heck is in charge of marketing and advertising? And I have to ask them this very important question: are you stupid? Cause it seems like it. Do you even want to stay in business?

The way I see it - they need to get some of those AMV kids making their ads for them. They don't even need anyone to speak (big bonus - no voice actors). The can use sound clips from the show's soundtrack and do written text for the parts that need to be communicated to the audience, and ba da bing ba da boom - you got yourself an ad for an anime series that ... how shall I put it? DOESN'T SUCK!

Some of those AMV kids do movie previews too, and some of them are very talented. I made an AMV once and it was pretty fun, but it took a lot of time and a lot of wrist work. I don't have tha much wrist power to give to a project like that.

It just depresses me when my favourite thing is being marketed so poorly that it could only encourage ... I can't figure out who would want to watch anime with such ... ABSOLUTELY WRETCHED previews. Not I. It also depresses me when really talented people aren't making their livings doing what they are really great at. I hope all those AMV kids go to college and take graphics design and multimedia classes and throw the poor bums who are sucking at this incredible creative opportunity into retirement. And don't say that it won't happen. Lately, whenever I go shopping I'm very keenly reminded that other people in my generation are taking over, because products I've always thought would be cool are finally starting to come out.

However, I'm also feeling a little bit of the English burn lately, because I bought some Card Captor Sakura to put in my child movie savings box (for when kids come over) and when I turned it on to make sure it was okay - there was no Japanese language selection. I was so TANKED (for lack of a better word). So, now if I wanted to watch it to see if it was any good (I've never seen that particular anime), I'll have to watch it in English. I feel like stuffing my fingers down my throat. How much fun would that be? Ah, at least I'd feel better. I should stop complaining. My eleven year-old nephew complains to me that he can't follow it in Japanese and that he wants to watch anime in English. That's why I shouldn't complain. I love my nephew a lot and I want him to enjoy it. But, for myself, I'd really rather not.

Besides, sometimes when you hear English voice actors say certain things - it just sounds absolutely batty. Somehow, when you read subtitles - you hear the Japanese voice saying it and you read the exact same line in the subtitles that the crappy English voice actor had to say out loud ... and it seems totally reasonable. I don't know why, but reading the lines lets me access the world of the anime so much better. The characters and the scenerio seem better just because you didn't have to hear that loopy line in English.

So, this was supposed to be an AMV romance. Instead, maybe it was a lot of other things, but I feel the way I do and I've wanted to rant about something lately - so here was my rant. I feel cleaner. Cheers!

My Security ... Item

When I was a child, I remember thinking that it was very important that I have ... something that was very important to me, like a teddy bear or a blanket. I remember carrying my blanket named Bunnies and Bears around with me, because I felt like I should have a security blanket - I was the right age for it. But I got annoyed carrying it around with me, and I'd take it back to my room so that I could run around without having to carry it. That is probably just a sign that I outgrew such things, but from what I understand from my parents and family, I was never a crybaby.

Anyway, as I grew into an adult I began to question what things were the most important to me out of my possessions. If you've read much of my blog, you'll learn that I don't really believe in physical possessions, unless they are extremely useful. No one will ever hear me complain about the sense of owning a dishwasher or something like that. My complaint is about little sentimental knicknacks that have to be ... dusted (I'm choking on the word as a speak) and take up room, and do no one any good at all. So, if there was a fire in my apartment, what would I grab on the way out? I'd grab my negitives for my pictures, but I honestly wouldn't be able to carry my journals, so I'd leave those. So, I only found one thing in my whole apartment that couldn't be replaced. Yeah, my journals can never be replaced, but they've probably done their job if they've helped me to gain perspective and helped me to vent off some steam and work out my feelings until I can live with myself again. And I always need that. Some place to write is as essential as toilet paper for me. I know ... that's a disgusting illustration, but I wouldn't say it if my brain didn't need to dispose of waste as often as my body - my brain is full of a lot of junk.

Anyway, it was awhile ago that I had that conversation with myself about what was the most important thing to me if my apartment building got torched. So, I didn't think I had anything that was important to me, well, I've learned in the past year that I do have a security item. There is one thing that I need. I never would have guessed this in all my life if it hadn't turned out to be true. I suppose I'm still learning about myself.

So, what is this 'item'? Well, all I have to say is that I feel very lucky that it's not an expensive thing. One can be found just about anywhere, but if I don't have one when I need it ... it's like the END OF THE WORLD. So, then what is this all important object?

An empty ice cream bucket.

When I was pregnant, I threw up soooo many times, it was unreal. Even though I was on drugs to help with the vomitting, I would throw up four - maybe five times a day. I think the golden number was nine times in one day. I kept pumping myself with liquid so that I wouldn't have to throw up pure stomach acid, because that's what would happen if I didn't. I also didn't want to be hospitalized. I also didn't like to live my life hunched up in front of the toilet, so an ice cream pail is nice and portable. When I was in transition labour, I also got to throw up three times, which is more than any other person I've ever heard of. So, I thought that this was just a pregnancy thing, but then when I had my little ... incident ... a few weeks ago. I was lying on the emergency room floor, because I was in too much pain to sit, and I ended up throwing up there too.

It's just that I never imagined that I was the sort of person who dealt with pain by throwing up, but that seems to be the way my body likes doing things. And I want to throw up too, because I know that once I do - I'm going to feel way better. I used to be so afraid of throwing up or of feeling like I was going to, but after my experience of being sick to my stomach for four months straight, I don't feel so bad. I'm a little afraid to get pregnant again though, if I'm going to feel the way I did. I keep telling myself that my body will know what to do better the second time around. Maybe. Maybe not. Who knows? Luckily, I'm no where near having to do it again.

In conclusion, if there is ever an emergency - I'm grabbing a bucket.

A Look, A Glance

Today I thought I'd talk about my stories Dragon's Moon and Mystic Wings. I know I talk about them a lot, but it's what I have on my mind, so if you're reading this then you'll have to suck it up.

You know, I've really enjoyed writing this story. It's been really great for me. I've also been impressed that I've been such a gerk on fanfiction.net and I'm still getting reviews. It's not that I've behaved badly. It's that I'm writing a story that is obviously a Van/Hitomi romance, and Van hasn't been in the story since chapter six. I just released chapter 17. I am totally surprised that everyone who reviews hasn't bugged out because they were too pissed off with how the story was going. I'm amazed they're still hanging around and complimenting me on how the story is turning out. It's just that as I said in a previous post about Mystic Wings, if I was myself a few years ago, I wouldn't have been able to read a story like this. My level of maturity wouldn't have allowed it. I would have gone snakey over the lack of romance. So, I'm really impressed at the maturity of my readers on fanfiction.net.

Mystic Wings, like Dragon's Moon exists to help me learn to write better. Dragon's Moon was to help me improve my editing skills. I really did get quite a bit better at cutting and gluing and patching. It was like writing became an arts and crafts project. It was an extremely unique experience for me. And then Mystic Wings was an attempt at a whole whack load of things. I have always written things that are predominantly romances, and usually from the male perspective. Mystic Wings is a huge break from that, as the core of the plot is mystery instead of romance. I try hard to make it interesting, and since I haven't totally lost my readership, I have to assume that I'm not exactly biting the dust here. And with the new forum feature on fanfiction.net, it's weird but it feels like I'm getting more popular.

I get requests from people sometimes to go check out their writing. This is something that sort of surprises me whenever it happens. And I always remember the person who I went to who I thought was the coolest and she ripped me a new one when she started analyzing my writing. Yeah, that was an interesting experience, but even as it was happening, I knew that this was what I had been waiting for since I started writing. For someone to actually tell me what was wrong with my writing. I still can't touch the story that she betaed, so hard did she rip it to shreds, but it was such a good thing for me that I can't be regretful about that one story. I just can't be. I'd sacrifice 50 stories to get that final good one that I can be proud of for my whole life. I can't help it, that's just how I feel.

And Mystic Wings is wonderful. I'm so proud of it.

Puppy Ears, Puppy Eyes

Okay, so I'm an animeniac, and because of this everyone think that I like ALL anime. This is so not true and I'd like to illustrate this problem with a particular anime - Inuyasha.

If you go onto fanfiction.net and into the anime section you will see that for the English language there is probably not any anime more popular for writing fanfics for than Inuyasha. Well, I hadn't seen it. I'm not really interested in anime that doesn't end, so I had been avoiding watching it, but wherever I go once I say that I like anime, everyone says, "Have you seen Inuyasha?" And because I haven't, I feel like I'm not really a true anime guru. So, my cousin kept saying that he was going to bring it for me to see, because I MUST SEE INUYASHA! So, he brought it and I started watching it.

For some reason I always paralelled Inuyasha with Kenshin. Maybe it's because both series' are named for the main male character, maybe because they're both sorta historical fiction with fantasy intertwined, maybe because they're both combat based series', maybe because they seemed equally as popular, maybe because they are both friggin long, maybe because they both were made around the same time in the 90s, or maybe because certain characters from their stories appeared in the name plate bar equally as often on AMV.org. Maybe. But let me tell you I can't put Inuyasha on the same level as Kenshin. Kenshin is like the heavens and Inuyasha is like the dirt. Seriously, I have only watched eight episodes of Inuyasha, and I totally don't even see why he is a character that you'd want to root for. It doesn't have anything to do with him actually being half monster, or something like that - he's just an immature, loudmouth, boring character. I don't get excited at all to see how he's going to react to something. It's boring. And the series seems grotesque, vulgar, and ugly. Inuyasha himself isn't even drawn nicely. I think it's hard not to make anime hair look bad, but I think his does. I'm so confused as to how an anime boy could be so unappealing. How is that even possible? The opening song even manages to suck more than the opening song for Kenshin (which I don't like at all).

So, I have to say that I think the reason why Inuyasha is so popular with the English speakers is not because it's a superior series. I think there are two reasons. No. 1. It's not Dragon Ball Z. It's a little more grown up, so older losers don't feel bad watching it. No. 2. It's accessable. When I wander into Walmart and happen to stroll down their movie aisles, I see that it is the MOST accessible anime probably of all time. I don't have a Sailor Moon thing myself, but I have been looking to purchase some and Inuyasha is always there instead (as well as in HMV, Music World, Zellers, and anywhere else I happen to wander). I think it's popularity is solely based on availability, cause I think it's absolute CRAP. Once something else gets a little more light in the sunshine, everyone is going to wake up and start watching real anime. Personally, I'm hoping Full Metal Alchemist kicks Inuyasha's little red butt smack of the shelves.

And there's no picture, because I'm not soiling my hard drive with a picture of that loser.

My Lot in Life

Today I'm going talk about the thing that I do most often in life to aid society. It might not seem like such a big deal, especially when you consider that I'm the sort of radical broad that really likes to do things to really change society. But this is the thing that I catch myself doing ALL THE TIME, and I like to think that it really makes a difference.

When I was a teenager, I had a job working for the local public library. Despite my intense literary feelings, I was not hired to stock shelves or anything near that fun. Instead I was hired to vacuum and dust the entire building once a week for $10 an hour. This might seem like the lamest job in imagination, but as I described somewhere, I lived in a small town -- an extremely small town. I was lucky to get a job at all. So, anyway, after I had been working there for a couple years, the girl who cleaned the bathrooms while I dusted and vacuumed, graduated from high school and a new girl got hired. She was one of the librarian's daughters and she didn't like cleaning the bathrooms one bit. So, she convinced her mom that I should be the one to clean the bathrooms instead of her. Was I pissed off by this new arrangement? Not as much as you'd think. We cleaned after hours, so I didn't have to haul my CD player around with me so much. I could just leave it by the bathrooms while I worked (just as an aside, there is something so wonderful and unnaturally distuptive about pumping the library with Econoline Crush at top volumnes - the whole atmosphere of the place changes and it's like the place becomes a living building instead of a dusty dustbin for molding paper - but city libraries don't maintain the same quiet aura as small town libraries. It's really not the same experience at all).

Okay, so how did I learn to aid society? I learned to change the papertowel machines and fix them. Now, wherever I go, I find broken papertowel dispensers all over the place in public washrooms, and I always take the time to fix them. It might not seem like much, but I like to think that I make a difference to whoever comes in to wash their hands next. Plus, I don't believe in touching doors to public bathrooms - EW! So, I always take an extra little bit of towel with me to touch the door knob with. I'm sure I prevent all kinds of illness by fixing these machines, because people are washing their hands, and hopefully not touching things whether they are sick or healthy. Sometimes, I also fix toilet paper dispensers too when I notice that they're not working. It's a small thing I do, but I really end up doing this A LOT.

I'm not looking for a medal, or for any kind of recognition - smirk. I just felt like talking about something stupid that always gives me a little bit of happiness. I know ... I'm just admited supreme loserhood.

The Last Romance Novel

This week has been pretty traumatic for me, but I usually have the energy to do things like ... write in my blog, so that's what I'm going to do with my precious time out of bed. Not to go into detail or anything, but I'm sorta ... unwell.

Actually, that's how the story of my post started. I was rushed to the hospital with and hung out there for a few days. Now I'm back at home and on some beauty pain killers. So, I was lying in bed feeling sorry for myself, when I decided to go get my ultimate favourite romance novel of ALL TIME and give it a read. It's called The Year at Yattabilla. It was published in 1970, cost 60 cents at the time, the first 25 pages are disconnected from the spine (because I've read it so much), and the page edges are a nasty red. It belonged to my mother and I found it in the basement of our house when I was 13 and started reading it. When I was 13 - it was THE BEST THING I'D EVER READ. No exaggeration. I didn't want to be seen reading it at school so I made a white cover for it, so that I could read it in the library without anyone knowing what I was reading. That way, I could also read it as many times as I wanted without comment. That's how much I loved this book.

In a nutshell: it's about a sheltered English girl who goes to live in Australia in order to inherit her father's ranch.

Anyway, I hadn't read it much since I was a teenager. I'd been busy reading things I hadn't read before, but this weekend I'd been feeling crappy and I wanted to read something that was going to make me feel good. And MUCH TO MY DISAPPOINTMENT - it didn't make me feel good. Instead, it just aggravated the heck out of me. One of my biggest pet peeves since I've been an adult is when a person talks like they understand the business angle of something when really they don't understand a friggen word I'm saying. And the little girl in this book is awful. If I ever caught myself being this willfully ignorant, I don't know what I'd do. I HATE IT when people are too proud to ask questions and become informed.

Granted, I seem to be expecting a lot from a book that would never be taken by a pawn shop in two million years. I think I've just outgrown romance novels ... or at least that kind of romance novel. I don't like charishing things that don't love me back, so I'm gonna tie that book back up with it's rubber band and give it back to my mom (if she wants it). I wouldn't want to my child to read something THAT stupid, and if I left it around the house, she might find it. I want my little girl to know the difference between assets, liabilities, and capital before she's eight.