Wild Moon Swings

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

The Brat Princess

Tonight I feel like venting online, which isn't really something I normally do, but maybe someone will see this that has an insight for me - who knows?

The way I see things I'm a complete brat. Am I demanding? No. Do I ask people for favours all the time? I really feel like I only ask for what I need.

I'm a brat because I want nothing.

It's not that all my wants and needs are immediately delivered to me or even that I live a selfish existence. Neither of those things describe me. I'm frugal. I want less rather than more and that's what makes me a brat. I don't want things. I don't want gifts or presents or anything. My problem is more that I'm forced to act pleased when people do things for me or give me things that I dislike.

I'm a brat because I can't see the good in a crappy gift and I am tired of behaving grateful for things I despise. Obviously I don't want to offend the person giving me a horrific gift, yet I feel choked by heaps of crap.

So-and-so wants to teach me how to cook. I didn't realize I didn't know how. Someone else wants to help decorate my place. I didn't realize I was incapable of doing it myself. It goes on. I don't know how to dress. I don't know how to raise my kids. I don't know how to write - or everything I pen is worthless. The things I make are simplistic and ugly. Lately I've had so many people down my throat ... I am at a complete loss.

It has had me wondering if I'm so critical of others that now that I'm sick everyone is taking the opportunity to tell me what they think I'm doing wrong. I even handle my illnesses wrong. You know what - I am quite critical. But I do know a few things - I am critical over the books people like. In that department - I am like the devil himself. I don't make any excuses for myself and I don't think I'll ever change. The rest - I will endeavour to keep my abnormally large nose out of other people's business.