My Security ... Item
When I was a child, I remember thinking that it was very important that I have ... something that was very important to me, like a teddy bear or a blanket. I remember carrying my blanket named Bunnies and Bears around with me, because I felt like I should have a security blanket - I was the right age for it. But I got annoyed carrying it around with me, and I'd take it back to my room so that I could run around without having to carry it. That is probably just a sign that I outgrew such things, but from what I understand from my parents and family, I was never a crybaby.
Anyway, as I grew into an adult I began to question what things were the most important to me out of my possessions. If you've read much of my blog, you'll learn that I don't really believe in physical possessions, unless they are extremely useful. No one will ever hear me complain about the sense of owning a dishwasher or something like that. My complaint is about little sentimental knicknacks that have to be ... dusted (I'm choking on the word as a speak) and take up room, and do no one any good at all. So, if there was a fire in my apartment, what would I grab on the way out? I'd grab my negitives for my pictures, but I honestly wouldn't be able to carry my journals, so I'd leave those. So, I only found one thing in my whole apartment that couldn't be replaced. Yeah, my journals can never be replaced, but they've probably done their job if they've helped me to gain perspective and helped me to vent off some steam and work out my feelings until I can live with myself again. And I always need that. Some place to write is as essential as toilet paper for me. I know ... that's a disgusting illustration, but I wouldn't say it if my brain didn't need to dispose of waste as often as my body - my brain is full of a lot of junk.
Anyway, it was awhile ago that I had that conversation with myself about what was the most important thing to me if my apartment building got torched. So, I didn't think I had anything that was important to me, well, I've learned in the past year that I do have a security item. There is one thing that I need. I never would have guessed this in all my life if it hadn't turned out to be true. I suppose I'm still learning about myself.
So, what is this 'item'? Well, all I have to say is that I feel very lucky that it's not an expensive thing. One can be found just about anywhere, but if I don't have one when I need it ... it's like the END OF THE WORLD. So, then what is this all important object?
An empty ice cream bucket.
When I was pregnant, I threw up soooo many times, it was unreal. Even though I was on drugs to help with the vomitting, I would throw up four - maybe five times a day. I think the golden number was nine times in one day. I kept pumping myself with liquid so that I wouldn't have to throw up pure stomach acid, because that's what would happen if I didn't. I also didn't want to be hospitalized. I also didn't like to live my life hunched up in front of the toilet, so an ice cream pail is nice and portable. When I was in transition labour, I also got to throw up three times, which is more than any other person I've ever heard of. So, I thought that this was just a pregnancy thing, but then when I had my little ... incident ... a few weeks ago. I was lying on the emergency room floor, because I was in too much pain to sit, and I ended up throwing up there too.
It's just that I never imagined that I was the sort of person who dealt with pain by throwing up, but that seems to be the way my body likes doing things. And I want to throw up too, because I know that once I do - I'm going to feel way better. I used to be so afraid of throwing up or of feeling like I was going to, but after my experience of being sick to my stomach for four months straight, I don't feel so bad. I'm a little afraid to get pregnant again though, if I'm going to feel the way I did. I keep telling myself that my body will know what to do better the second time around. Maybe. Maybe not. Who knows? Luckily, I'm no where near having to do it again.
In conclusion, if there is ever an emergency - I'm grabbing a bucket.
Anyway, as I grew into an adult I began to question what things were the most important to me out of my possessions. If you've read much of my blog, you'll learn that I don't really believe in physical possessions, unless they are extremely useful. No one will ever hear me complain about the sense of owning a dishwasher or something like that. My complaint is about little sentimental knicknacks that have to be ... dusted (I'm choking on the word as a speak) and take up room, and do no one any good at all. So, if there was a fire in my apartment, what would I grab on the way out? I'd grab my negitives for my pictures, but I honestly wouldn't be able to carry my journals, so I'd leave those. So, I only found one thing in my whole apartment that couldn't be replaced. Yeah, my journals can never be replaced, but they've probably done their job if they've helped me to gain perspective and helped me to vent off some steam and work out my feelings until I can live with myself again. And I always need that. Some place to write is as essential as toilet paper for me. I know ... that's a disgusting illustration, but I wouldn't say it if my brain didn't need to dispose of waste as often as my body - my brain is full of a lot of junk.
Anyway, it was awhile ago that I had that conversation with myself about what was the most important thing to me if my apartment building got torched. So, I didn't think I had anything that was important to me, well, I've learned in the past year that I do have a security item. There is one thing that I need. I never would have guessed this in all my life if it hadn't turned out to be true. I suppose I'm still learning about myself.
So, what is this 'item'? Well, all I have to say is that I feel very lucky that it's not an expensive thing. One can be found just about anywhere, but if I don't have one when I need it ... it's like the END OF THE WORLD. So, then what is this all important object?
An empty ice cream bucket.
When I was pregnant, I threw up soooo many times, it was unreal. Even though I was on drugs to help with the vomitting, I would throw up four - maybe five times a day. I think the golden number was nine times in one day. I kept pumping myself with liquid so that I wouldn't have to throw up pure stomach acid, because that's what would happen if I didn't. I also didn't want to be hospitalized. I also didn't like to live my life hunched up in front of the toilet, so an ice cream pail is nice and portable. When I was in transition labour, I also got to throw up three times, which is more than any other person I've ever heard of. So, I thought that this was just a pregnancy thing, but then when I had my little ... incident ... a few weeks ago. I was lying on the emergency room floor, because I was in too much pain to sit, and I ended up throwing up there too.
It's just that I never imagined that I was the sort of person who dealt with pain by throwing up, but that seems to be the way my body likes doing things. And I want to throw up too, because I know that once I do - I'm going to feel way better. I used to be so afraid of throwing up or of feeling like I was going to, but after my experience of being sick to my stomach for four months straight, I don't feel so bad. I'm a little afraid to get pregnant again though, if I'm going to feel the way I did. I keep telling myself that my body will know what to do better the second time around. Maybe. Maybe not. Who knows? Luckily, I'm no where near having to do it again.
In conclusion, if there is ever an emergency - I'm grabbing a bucket.
posted by Sapphirefly at
8:24 a.m.
2 Comments:
To be honest I was a little surprised when I saw your "item". Continuing down the page however,
I've come to realise I'm right there with you.
IF you're going to throw up in public (which is embarassing all on it's own) it would be nice to have something to keep the mess to yourself, rather than to involve the public in your embarassment in more ways than one. I don't think I have to elaborate on that any further.
I hear ya though, being pregnant is never fun really (but you know that) but I found that the "sickness" turned out to be more of a daily ritual for me than anything else. Get up, puke, have a glass of water, lay beside the toilet to see if I was done or not, shower, puke, get dressed, puke, (IF I was having a good day, I'd choke something(food) down right about here) get on the bus (hold the puke in), get off, puke, etc, etc. You know how it goes...
Anyway since I'm not pregnant, but have two kids, the thing(s) I think I could NOT live without would be 1)WIPES, 2)snacks & 3)a potty. We'd all go mental without those three things.
Cheers!
Fourlittlepeas
By
Anonymous, at 11:30 p.m.
Thankx! Definitely glad to know I'm not alone.
By
Sapphirefly, at 9:42 a.m.
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