Wild Moon Swings

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

The Brat Princess

Tonight I feel like venting online, which isn't really something I normally do, but maybe someone will see this that has an insight for me - who knows?

The way I see things I'm a complete brat. Am I demanding? No. Do I ask people for favours all the time? I really feel like I only ask for what I need.

I'm a brat because I want nothing.

It's not that all my wants and needs are immediately delivered to me or even that I live a selfish existence. Neither of those things describe me. I'm frugal. I want less rather than more and that's what makes me a brat. I don't want things. I don't want gifts or presents or anything. My problem is more that I'm forced to act pleased when people do things for me or give me things that I dislike.

I'm a brat because I can't see the good in a crappy gift and I am tired of behaving grateful for things I despise. Obviously I don't want to offend the person giving me a horrific gift, yet I feel choked by heaps of crap.

So-and-so wants to teach me how to cook. I didn't realize I didn't know how. Someone else wants to help decorate my place. I didn't realize I was incapable of doing it myself. It goes on. I don't know how to dress. I don't know how to raise my kids. I don't know how to write - or everything I pen is worthless. The things I make are simplistic and ugly. Lately I've had so many people down my throat ... I am at a complete loss.

It has had me wondering if I'm so critical of others that now that I'm sick everyone is taking the opportunity to tell me what they think I'm doing wrong. I even handle my illnesses wrong. You know what - I am quite critical. But I do know a few things - I am critical over the books people like. In that department - I am like the devil himself. I don't make any excuses for myself and I don't think I'll ever change. The rest - I will endeavour to keep my abnormally large nose out of other people's business.

12 Comments:

  • Are those really gifts? Being taught how to cook/decorate/raise your kids? Sounds a little officious to me. Of course it's important to recognize good intentions, but . . . really, who needs to feel undermined like that?

    By Blogger reddmummy, at 7:22 PM  

  • Thanks. I appreciate your wonderful thoughts and I'm glad to hear from you. I don't think other people are right to boss me around, but I still think my own behaviour needs to be examined.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:49 PM  

  • "The written word is weak. Many people prefer life to it. ..it appeals to only the subtlest of senses - the imagination's vision, and the imagination's hearing- and the moral sense, and the intellect. This writing that you do, that so thrills you, that so rocks and exhilartes you, as if you were dancing next to the band, is barely audible to anyone else. The reader's ear must adjust down from loud life to the subtle, imaginary sounds of the written word."
    -Annie Dillard, from the critically aclaimed bestseller "the writing life".

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:55 PM  

  • Isn't that only true for authors who can't rake in an audience?

    And what kind of a coward are you to not credit yourself?

    Loads of Love,
    Sapphirefly

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:15 AM  

  • Hi sis!

    I don't think you're a being a brat simply because you're honest with yourself. Why live in pretense? Those people who were trying to "help" you must have been doing that more for their sake than yours. After all, if you were so incompetent, how would you have lasted all these years and accomplished what you have?

    I've been too lazy to blog in the last couple of months. Plus too busy to visit other blogs. But I'm glad to see you posting! ^_^

    By Anonymous algelic, at 2:28 PM  

  • I think I have to disagree with your comment to "anon".

    Wouldn't that quote be *more* of a motivation for the author to produce quality work? And if you "can't rake in an audience" are you really an author? or just someone who jots down/types out their thoughts as a sort of personal monologue?

    From my personal experience, most people read what is a "top bestseller" (like your Stephenie Meyer/J.K Rowlings type books) or books that they must read for whatever reason (ie: school, church, work, etc), so any other author must really work hard to produce something that is worth publishing for those consumers who enjoy reading in their leisurely time.

    Also, "anon" shouldn't credit themselves for that post, unless they ARE Annie Dillard, dontcha think??

    Just sayin' ;P

    By Blogger mykideatsdirt, at 8:12 PM  

  • By Blogger joyhuang, at 11:27 PM  

  • Hey sis!

    How are you? I miss reading your posts and reading your fics!

    It's a pity you deleted the first book your Escaflowne trilogy. I would have saved it for myself! It was just one of the best fics I've ever read (and I read thousands of them).

    How can I contact you?

    By Anonymous algelic, at 1:29 PM  

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    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:43 AM  

  • Hey algelic,
    Yeah, I know. I'm sort of impossible to get a hold of. Actually, I plan to delete this blog too in the not to distant future. You can get my email address on fanfiction.net and I'd recommend that that's the best way to get in touch with me. That's actually why I slowed my posts and eventually stopped them - this blog is going to die. I'll try getting your email address on ff.net too.

    Love,
    Sapphirefly

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:57 PM  

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    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:32 PM  

  • Hey I just read your post and now I am commenting lol...because I used to feel the same way about me few months before. It's good that you are sharing it with people because I didn't and I just struggled myself. First of all! You are good at writing don't even think you are not. And if the people who are helping you love you then just take their help when ever you need it. Human beings love to give but take as well. So if you do something for them too It will be fine, I am sure you'll feel better. And if you really want to improve at something then don't lose your hope like this. Just keep on working on what you wish to be really good at. All of us have this gift of achieving anything we want but we just have to work for it. Don't be so upset! :)

    By Blogger TaNni, at 10:06 PM  

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