Wild Moon Swings

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Poem without a Title

This poem is from my book 'Vampire Kiss', chapter ten 'Den of Darkness'. There's no title. It is supposed to be written by Van. The goal was to write a poem that sounded like it was written by a man, besides the plot restrictions. Do you think I was successful? Here it is:

Midnight waves wake my senses - Confused

The water burns me to my eyes - Suffused

The dreams haunt my mind - Disintegration

I can’t battle my dreams - Formulation

The First Dream

I’m young while she’s beautiful – Bemused

Untouchable and irrevocably touched – Defused

The pool of blood I laid in at road’s end – Surprised

Death’s white fingers like love – Realized

The Second Dream

I’m angry while she’s patient – Placate

Provoked by her lover to knife’s point – Aggravate

Brown eyes triggered bloody red – Amused

Lose my body in the violent fray – Refused

The Third Dream

Like an injured monster lost in water - Rescue

Like a broken man waiting by the window – Withdrew

Still feigning while dreaming – Conventionalize

The morn will be bright after the hardest night – Cruel Lies

Monday, July 28, 2008

Mad about Everything

These days, I'm mad about everything.

My membership on fanstory.com expired the other day. Wasn't too sure how I felt about that. I already decided that I wouldn't renew it. I sometimes wonder how serious I am about writing when I won't go through the trouble of promoting something. And that has always been a problem for me. I live amongst a collection of people who simply don't read. I hate begging people to read my work and I have spent years (literal years) waiting for some people to read my stories.

It was because I discovered that one of the major reasons why I was writing at all was because I wanted to write something that my family would enjoy. It was my biggest wish that I would be able to write something that my mother would like. I gave her one of my stories and do you know what she said? She said it was too dark. My mouth practically hung open like a fish's. She didn't finish it and now I won't give her a manuscript. I can't stand the idea of having to wait months to hear her response. Not to be insulting, but all she reads is Jane Austen anyway - which is one of the reasons why I begin to hate her (Jane Austin that is). I feel a curious itch somewhere in my throat when I think about how many times she's read 'Pride and Prejudice' and she can't read my work.

Am I really that poor of a writer?

Then the other person I really have on the brain is my husband's father. He is a person of such style and elegance when it comes to literature that I fear his disapproval so much that even thinking about it hurts my feelings to such a degree that I can summon tears. However, he has never rejected my work. He hasn't even seen it. He isn't interested in it. Well, anyone who's read my stuff is probably sitting there going, "Well, no wonder."

Now we move onto another reason why I have begun to hate Stephenie Meyer. 'Eclipse' still sucked, but the thing that actually hurts my feelings (forget her story - that doesn't matter to me very much) is how she talks about the way her family encourages her. It makes me want to have a pity party to celebrate my wretchedness. Yeah, my family isn't there for me - hasn't been there for me in this area.

So, I have my girls and boys who read on fanfiction.net and I love them. They keep me up. And I have a few friends and relatives that read my work and enjoy it, but sometimes it just feels meaningless when I can't have the approval of the people I really want it from. It makes me wonder how stingy I've been with my approval of others. I'm like that, too, aren't I? I have to make sure it doesn't happen again. I'm not even sure if I know how to give it. Whenever I praise someone it feels like it sounds phony coming out of my lips - like I'm intentionally trying to butter them up. I need to work on sounding sincere.

I don't know what I want exactly. Maybe I want to make my mom laugh and maybe I want my father-in-law to think I'm a little clever (destroying him at Scrabble doesn't offer me even the slightest feeling of satisfaction - I only win because I have the two letter dictionary memorized - it's practically cheating).

So, I'm mad about everything. It feels like there's an iron hand clenching my heart and it won't let go. And tonight - my heart is so green it's glowing through my eyes. I feel like I envy no one. No one has what I want, but I want it so much it feels like sinning. It feels so far beyond my reach that I can never hold it - not even for a moment. All my mother is ever impressed with is my statistics and my father-in-law avoids the topic like the plague. He thinks I'm going to make him read bad poetry - I can FEEL it.

Maybe the Heaven I enter when I die will be all my relatives sitting down with a foam cup full of noodles and a copy of my latest book.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Monster Blood Tattoo

I don't even know if any of my old readers even come here anymore. Ever since I took that break writing original fiction - this place has been a tomb. Anyway, because Nightfaux has my blog as her start page, I can at least make sure she reads this and gets the message ... even though she won't comment, because she never comments.

If you haven't read this book - you need to read this book. I just sent the following letter to the author. I think it explains my feelings extraordinarily well.

I have never written an author a fan letter before. I'm an amateur author and I think I'm above all that. Not only that, but the whole reason I write is because I read other people's books and I go, 'They're doing it wrong'.

I didn't think that as I read 'Foundling' and 'Lamplighter'. I was one hundred percent stunned at the sheer majesty of your two stories. The world you created is so much more vivid than the sad scrawlings of maps usually found at the beginning of wannabe fantasy. When I think of the amount of work that went into creating the maps, the history, the monsters, the vocabulary and the totally and completely believable world - I shake. I feel like I've just dawned the door of a whole new era of fantasy. And not just all that - I love the diversity of the characters. Usually, I'm bored with the pathetic half-formed static characters that authors drag into the picture to fill the gaps. Everyone who shows up has something to offer, either to help introduce the world or encourage my mind down a new avenue where anything might be possible.

I was bouncing off the walls when I saw that 'Lamplighter' was that much bigger than 'Foundling'. I bought it right off the shelf for full price without having read it and I never do that, because the books I buy - I buy forever. Every book on my bookshelf is for keeps to be read over and over and to be passed onto my children as part of their upbringing.

And I've been recommending it as required reading to everyone I know. I'm like, 'Are you sick of camping in the woods with Tolken clones yet? If you're done with that and Harry Potter, then you have to read this book. It will knock you on your can.'

So, in conclusion, I have never written a fan letter before and I don't know if I ever will again.