Tramping Through the eCrap

Okay, so I haven't been posting here because I was seriously considering removing this blog, but since I plan to keep it up a little longer I may as well use it for what it was originally intended for - a place for me to rant.

So, I've been looking for an epublisher to give my novels a try. I've emailed seven. All of them responded to me in less than a day. These were the ones I shortlisted from the GIANT list of epublishers I got (also please note that I decided not to send my books to companies that publish erotica as their main product). One of them I wasted a lot of time with and they eventually said 'no' because they weren't ready to publish new original fiction (business trouble). Two said 'no' without having seen the manuscript, three said 'yes' in a way that seemed so eager that I wonder how their business is doing (their sites looked pretty dead) and the last one, I'm waiting for another email from - they seem not as pathetic as some I've seen.

So, while investigating this epublishing company, I found a forum where people were complaining about them. I read with interest. And some of the things said really bugged me - not because I love the publishing group - I don't really know them yet, but the mentality of a lot of authors just crawls under my skin and makes me mental.

For starters, one of the complaints was that when she (the writer) called the publishing company, she got someone's house. How is this weird? How many people work from home these days? People work inside restaurants, in cabs, while keeping one eye on their kid. I thought the only taboo left was talking on your cell phone while you were peeing.

The next complaint I read about was about how the author had to pay an artist for cover art that they decided not to use. I felt like screeching. The artist made the art - so pay them. You know why Mozart was poor all his life? Because he kept doing work and getting stiffed on the bill. No wonder creative people are poor if this is how they're treated. One would think a struggling author would sympathize.

Another complaint was with the editing staff, and I desperately wish they would have described their complaint in better detail. I couldn't tell if the complaint was legitimate because the woman kept describing 'hysterical' emails and phone calls. She also referred to her manuscript as 'her baby'. To me, this kind of emotional response is typical of someone who isn't really a seasoned author, but some idiot who has actually managed to string something plausible together.

Long ago, when I was just beginning to write - I remember people telling me that something or other didn't fit and so I should cut it or replace it with something else. It felt like cutting my arm off to remove it. So, now that I've written 15 books, I'm a lot better at seeing the big picture and seeing what fits, what doesn't, and why. I have removed whole chapters and replaced them with work that was just as good in itself, but a thousand times better - BECAUSE IT FIT. Of course the author's judgment isn't always admired by a critical audience.

So, an author could have a good solid row with an editor and I'm really not saying that that woman's complaints weren't justified - but panicking and throwing a huge fit? Who would want to work with an author like that? PULL IT TOGETHER.

As for me - epublishing doesn't pay much. Really - it doesn't. I find it hyper annoying when people expect to publish a book and have it make a million bucks. It's not going to happen. I've been tossing this idea in my head for awhile. Tell me what you think?

Should I?

A) Publish my books with an epublisher and make probably less than $50 a year on a novel and get the measly fan mail that apparently comes.

B) Publish for free online and get the hordes of wonderful loving fans that I've accumulated in the past?

It's a hard toss up.

Here's my point. Out of all the epublishers I deemed acceptable, I only really found four that I wanted to work with. If you want to get your stuff epublished, then don't you have to bite the bullet and take someone? There are probably going to be problems and miscommunications all over the place no matter who you take. For instance, I just wasted a year with an epublisher. Am I mad? No way. Why? Because I don't expect to be an over-night success.

The Brat Princess

Tonight I feel like venting online, which isn't really something I normally do, but maybe someone will see this that has an insight for me - who knows?

The way I see things I'm a complete brat. Am I demanding? No. Do I ask people for favours all the time? I really feel like I only ask for what I need.

I'm a brat because I want nothing.

It's not that all my wants and needs are immediately delivered to me or even that I live a selfish existence. Neither of those things describe me. I'm frugal. I want less rather than more and that's what makes me a brat. I don't want things. I don't want gifts or presents or anything. My problem is more that I'm forced to act pleased when people do things for me or give me things that I dislike.

I'm a brat because I can't see the good in a crappy gift and I am tired of behaving grateful for things I despise. Obviously I don't want to offend the person giving me a horrific gift, yet I feel choked by heaps of crap.

So-and-so wants to teach me how to cook. I didn't realize I didn't know how. Someone else wants to help decorate my place. I didn't realize I was incapable of doing it myself. It goes on. I don't know how to dress. I don't know how to raise my kids. I don't know how to write - or everything I pen is worthless. The things I make are simplistic and ugly. Lately I've had so many people down my throat ... I am at a complete loss.

It has had me wondering if I'm so critical of others that now that I'm sick everyone is taking the opportunity to tell me what they think I'm doing wrong. I even handle my illnesses wrong. You know what - I am quite critical. But I do know a few things - I am critical over the books people like. In that department - I am like the devil himself. I don't make any excuses for myself and I don't think I'll ever change. The rest - I will endeavour to keep my abnormally large nose out of other people's business.

Amazing Things

Some days amazing things happen to you. Today, something amazing happened to me. This is one of them.

No. This isn't me and I didn't get a tattoo. This is fanart done up by mysisterisasquijum (one of my readers) showcasing what Hitomi's tattoo could have looked liked in my 'Dragon's Moon', 'Mystic Wings', 'Mark of a Goddess' trilogy. I am trilled to my core. My favourite part is the face of the dragon. If you look back on earlier posts here, you can see her earlier drafts of it - starting with pencil. It's so cool I could come unhinged.

Thank you, mysisterisasquijum. You rock my world.

Only idiots will be able to attain happiness in life

This is so true. I gotta stop thinking so much and just enjoy the moments that life offers me as spendid without worrying about the future or other people.

Withering Wondering

It's the kind of day when I wonder if I'll ever get anywhere with my writing. I worked hard on my last chapter of 'Vampire Kiss' and posted a chapter today. Not too many people reviewed even though my hit count was near a hundred after only a few hours. Does that mean that it wasn't a good chapter? I thought it was cool. But it was also over six thousand words. That may be a little bit too much for my audience. Bummer.

I've also been working on a short story. It's a completely different project than the novels I've been working on for the past four years, so I'm a little off balance.

But what? I'm confused. I only ever hear of people who have been writing and their books/stories/articles are rejected because they're not good enough, and yet there are piles and piles of books all over the place with the names of the people who were good enough on the covers. Not only that, but every time I turn around it turns out that a famous author has more than one alias and has been publishing books under three different names. It's discouraging. I'm discouraged.

Project Overflow

So, as 'Vampire Kiss' draws to a close, my brain is chalk full of ideas for new books. And I don't know which one to pursue.

I've got two half-finished novels on my harddrive. One is 'Ghost Mist' and the other is 'Half the Moon'. Both stories are quite well developed, but I have yet to identify a theme for HtM and I have a gap in the storyline in GM. It's frustrating because neither of them are contemporary fiction. I really do better at that. Inventing whole worlds isn't exactly my strong suit. I'm trying to take lessons from D.M. Cornish, but it gets so tiring.

Next problem. I have ideas for two contemporary novels. One is called 'The Third Wish' and the other is called '30 Days to Halloweeen'. Both of these are probably classified as horror. The biggest problem with both of them is that they both need to be told from a male perspective in order to keep the story-telling smooth.

Actually, all four of these books are told from male perspectives. Am I any good at that? Really?

Writing from a female perspective is more natural since I am a woman, but all I've got from a female perspective are two short stories and neither of them is particularly original. I want to write a modern-day 'Cupid and Psyche'. Anyone is welcome to take a whack at that. I love that story. It doesn't matter how many hashed versions spring out of the woodwork - I'm always captivated. The second one is a take on an old fairytale. Oh! So original.

Whatever. I wish I could do what mangaka do and just make up a fantasy world that somewhat resembles Europe without actually being Europe. That would be sweet. I could just make up my own cities.

Awful Personalities

I have an awful personality.

I think I realized this sometime in my childhood. Seriously. A horrible awful personality. I've been trying to fix it, but maybe it's a lost cause.

I talk too much. I'm an egomaniac. I tire easily. I'm a storyboard snob. I have zero B.S. tolerance.

Lately, in my book 'Vampire Kiss' my main character has had a definite personality shift. It's necessary and was part of my storyboards. She's more like the me of now than any other character I've ever written before. Or rather - she's probably what I would be like if I had no safety locks. And I think I've had three readers so far call her a badass. And that's only the beginning of their descriptions of her.

I feel like I've ventured into Harry Potter territory. You know how Harry was all angst-ridden in 'The Order of the Pheonix'? That's my least favourite book of the series. I didn't even enjoy reading about angsty Harry. And yet I ignored the lesson I learned and made my character a ball of fiery rage. What was I thinking?

Yet, I don't know how else a person would react to the situation my girl is in other than getting angry and vengeful. She could shut down. She could endure patiently - but our girl has done plenty of that. At least anger is proactive. At least I find anger proactive. When I get all heated - I go get some work done! Which is what our girl has to do.

I wonder if it's because people want to feel comfortable when they read for pleasure and if their emotions are brought into a realm of deep anger and frustration - that can't possibly relax them after a day of real life deep anger and frustraton.

One way or another - I still have a bad personality. I hope that if I ever make it big with my writing that I never have to do publicity or interviews. I'd likely ruin my reputation as a good author because my attitude is so bad.