Complicated Girls

I'll be honest and say that I got the idea for this post from Chocolatelova's blog/story posted most recently there. She wrote a really interesting/thought provoking post, so go check it out if you're interested. The address is: http://krazydoc.blogspot.com

So, I thought I'd talk about young girls and why they think they're complicated. I remember having this discussion with more than one of my teenage-girl friends when I was in high school and I was just like them - I thought I was complicated. So complicated that no one could ever get to know me or understand me. I thought about this so much back then that I almost became obsessed with the concept. Then one day I was talking one of my older brothers who is quite a bit older than me. I told him my theory and he laughed at me. Yep, my big (extremely educated) brother laughed at me and told me that all young girls think that. After that I sort of abandoned the concept, because I felt like I had been seen through (not a pleasant sensation for someone who believes that they're complicated), even though my friends still liked to talk about it from time to time.

Well, now that I'm older, I don't feel like I'm complicated anymore. I know myself a lot better now than I did then. I think it comes from a series of things that start to happen when you get older.

The first thing is that when you're young, you dream a lot - at least I did. For one thing, now that I'm older, I no longer dream about the sort of person I'm going to marry. I've already married him and he's wonderful. I no longer dream about the sort of child I'm going to have, I've already had her. I don't dream about what sort of career I'm going to have in my early adulthood, because I've already had it.

Not only that, but I've seen myself react in lots of different situations and so there's no longer the question 'How would I behave if someone rear-ended me?' Would I get out of the car and yell? What would I do? I know how I'd react because it already happened. I got out of the car and hugged the guy who hit me and cried my eyes out. He was a complete stranger. Weird eh? I never would have guessed it. So, as we see ourselves act and react in different situations the confusion as to what sort of person we are vanishes. Over the years, it becomes really clear what sort of person you really are.

Then there's the idea of how well someone can get to know you if you think you're complicated.
I got married pretty young and I used to scream at him (when I was younger) that he didn't know who I was, because I happened to marry someone with a really bad memory. He couldn't remember anything about me. I'm not saying that everyone will have the conclusion I have had, but I learned that love and knowledge are not the same thing. I used to say that all the time "How can love me if they don't even know me?" Well, unconditional love means that it doesn't matter know much they know about you (your ugly side, your good side), they love the entire package without reservation. I want to be this kind of person.

But anyway, I don't think I'm a complicated person anymore. I like writing. It's amazing how well those three little words sum me up.