Letting it Hang Out

Okay, so me - I've been goofing off.

And I've been working my butt off.

It's a delicate balance.

So, with my goofing off self, I've been reading manga. I've also been discovering Korean manga as well. It's pretty cool.

The pic today is from Koukou Debut, which is one of the best manga I've ever read. It's right up there with Kenshin, Gokusen, and Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne. I realize that none of those mangas are anything like each other. It's about a girl who was really sporty in middle school, so when she starts high school she decides that she's not going to do sports, but get herself a boyfriend instead ... but she sucks. So, she gets hot boy Yoh to tutor her in the ways of attracting men. It's so cute.

The Korean manga I've been reading lately is called Red Lion and it's really good too. I get too used to the good stuff so that I can't read garbage anymore.

Anyway, if you like manga - go read everything I recommend. There's no way you'll be disappointed.

With my hardcore working self, I've been letting my story rest lightly on my mind, but I mostly have too much stuff to do to even think about it. I usually only get a few minutes in the car and I use those to think about my story. I don't think it would even occur to me, except that when I'm listening to my CDs a song will come up that I've written a songfic for in the past and then I'll remember my writing. Today it was Schiller "Dream of You". I use that song for a chapter in 'Shadow Magic: Zelgadis and Lina'. That was one of the best chapters I ever wrote.

Sometimes, I wonder why my Slayers stuff didn't catch on the way my Escaflowne stuff did. I think about it quite frequently. I wonder if it was my marketing, or the fact that it is AU, or the audience, or what? It reminds me that my writing isn't really special, because if my writing was always special than my Slayers stuff would have done better.

CONFUSION

Well, once I get my can moved, then I plan to start an experiment. I'll probably learn a lot from it. Then when I get scraped across the coals then we can find out which side of myself is stronger - my goofing off self or my hardcore self. If my hardcore self wins than I'll continue releasing work on a regular basis until I die (I make no promises about every week or where I'll be uploading, but I'll continue writing) and if my goofing off self wins, then I'll give up completely.

But, I am 75% responsible, so I think the answer is clear now. I'm not really out to test myself, I guess. I think I'm out to test if I'll fit in with a real writing community as I am now. If I don't fit in the way I am now ... I don't think I'll ever fit in. I'm not good at making changes to myself solely for the enjoyment of others. I have to want it myself.

Well, in the end, I dislike half-ways. It's all or nothing, baby!

And they said I shouldn't go to extremes - ha!