Star Wars Remake

**Spoiler Warning**

I thought it was a little early to do a 'Star Wars' remake, but apparently, it wasn't ... as long as you dress everyone up like they're pretending to do a 'Lord of the Rings' knock-off. Well, that's what I thought 'Eragon' was going to be ... a 'Lord of the Rings' knockoff, but oops - I was wrong. They were ripping off 'Star Wars' this time.

Now I'd like to apologize to any fans out there if the novel is much different than the movie. But if they bare major similarity then it's impossible for me to be impressed that it was contrived by a 15 year-old. Yeah, a 15 year-old could have thought of this. They wouldn't even have to be a genius, but just someone with the stamina to write.

Okay, so the film starts out with our Princess Arya (not exactly a rebel princess, but working for the cause anyway) who's on a mission to get a key item from the evil king (isn't she a bit like Princess Leia who just stole vital information about how to destroy the death star?). So, once she's attacked by the Galbatorix's minions, she teleports the dragon egg away from the battle scene (Princess Leia getting R2D2 and C3p0 in an escape pod). Then she's captured by the head minion and taken back to their base for torture (exactly like Leia). She doesn't give in when tortured (just like Leia). Then the egg goes to a remote area where it is stumbled upon by a young boy with blond floppy hair (no insult to Mark Hamill - he rocks - and had WAY more personalty than this loser). Eragon (our floppy haired loser) is a young boy who lives with his uncle (like Luke). Once the egg hatches, he realizes it's signficance and goes out to find Brom - the last of the dragon riders (like Luke who goes after Obi-wan who happens to be the last of the Jedi when all the others were killed by Vader) because all the other dragon riders were killed by Galbatorix. Then Eragon's uncle is killed by an evil minion of Galbatorix (like how Luke's aunt and uncle were killed by storm troopers) and he has nothing left to lose except to go with a washed up old dragon rider in an attempt to make a difference with their dragon (except there were no cool bars full of wacky aliens). Okay, so they don't get to go to a bar, but they go to a villiage where they get a saddle for the Dragon (get transportation from Han Solo, except that we get no one as hot as Harison Ford). They're chased out of the town by Galbatorix's minions (so was Luke and Obi-wan). So, along the way Brom sort of starts teaching Eragon how to fight and how to use magic (just like Luke and Obi-wan practicing with the force). Then, Eragon has a dream about Princess Arya and he has to go rescue her (so, at this point, again there is less story than Star Wars, and we skip being captured by the death star and go straight to rescuing the princess). Eragon goes into the prison headstrong and is almost killed, except that Brom throws himself in the path of the spear that's headed towards Eragon and slain (just like Obi-wan, except less cool because Obi-wan was holding his own against Vader instead of being used as a disposable bullet like Brom). After that, we get introduced to the Han Solo character (except a guy with much less personality - he didn't even call one person 'Your Worship'). His name is Murtagh and he needs much less convincing than Han Solo to do what Eragon wants (makes things much simpler). So, then they meet up with the rebels and prepare for war. So, Eragon learned from Brom before he died that the only way to kill the Shade (Galbatorix's sorcerer) is to stab him through the heart (much less complicated than what Luke had to do flying up to the death star, but there is a target established that isn't impossible to get). Now since Eragon is the only dragon rider they've elimated the need to talk about other fighters (so, there's no Gold Leader and we start off rooting for only Eragon). So, Saphira is injured in the battle and you think there's no hope that Eragon will be able to win, but then he chucks himself off her back at the right moment and lands smack on the shade to stab him through the heart and he didn't even have to switch off his homing system, but I think you should be able to see how those two things are similar. Then the battle is over, Eragon is a hero and the movie's over.

BORING!

On the plus side, who ever did the costumes was a genius - much more intelligent than the author of the screen-play. I don't think a chacter started talking when I couldn't finish their dialogue in my head. Oh, the dialogue was painful. Yeah - a 15 year-old could write something that cliche, but he might not have written the screen-play. Besides, I have to finish this off quickly before I turn into the comic book guy from 'The Simpson's'.

WORST EPISODE EVER!