Wild Moon Swings

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Sometimes ... It's a little like that

I probably shouldn't be writing in this when I don't exactly have a planned subject. I'll probably just get myself into trouble, but since I don't drink or do many unscheduled things, breaking from the norm and writing just because I feel like it, is a little wild. Or so I'd like to think.

So, tonight I'm on my own. This NEVER happens. I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to deal with my empty apartment when it's time to go to bed. Am I going to jump at every little sound? Or am I tough enough to simply go to sleep without all that fuss? I don't really scare easily. I walk at night through my neighbourhood without hesitation (if my mother and grandmother knew, they'd spazz, so please don't tell ^_~). Well, my neighbourhood is kinda scary. I live across the street from a half-way house, and down the block there's an Aboriginal Rehabilitation Centre, and a soup kitchen a block away. And yeah, crazy drunks wander around sometimes, and someone was stabbed in my building right after I moved in, and last week someone was stabbed two blocks away. I'm probably being stupid not to be concerned, but I can't help it. I don't get involved in the drama that goes on around here - mostly to do with drugs. These things that happen are not just random acts of violence, they happen because people get themselves into trouble. And to label the entire area as 'demolition derby worthy' would be going a tad too far. Leveling the place is hardly a plausable solution.

For instance, I live in a building that is made up of one-bedroom suites. Do you know how many kids live here with their parents? LOTS! Like there's room! Most of the people who live in this area live here because of their poverty, not because they're drug addicts or criminals. Being poor is hardly a crime.

So, why do I CHOOSE to live in a place like this? Well, I am naturally obtuse and unconventional to the point of stupidity. I'm just not the kind of person who feels compelled to do things because of someone else's standards. Not that I'm not hurt when people think I'm crazy and tell me to my face what they think of me. I actually have suffered quite acutely at the discovery that I am just not like other people. I'm getting better at not caring all the time. Besides, quirky people are SO much more fun.

So yeah, I don't feel like moving onto a quiet suburban street is going to fullful my every desire to fit in. In fact, I think that when I actually get to that point in my life, it's only going to heighten the distinction between myself and everyone around me. I'm really the kind of broad who would turn her front yard into a vegetable garden just because I didn't own a mower, didn't have a place to store the said mower, and simply wanted to see if it would piss off the committee in charge of the planned community. All that and ... I like vegetables.

*yawn* Right now I feel way too wasted to dig up a garden, so I should probably stop spewing this highway to hell while I'm ahead.

People just want to live convenient lives, and if we all live similar lives then we make it easier for each other. Strength in numbers, ne? Ya know, plug money into the economy, give a reason for someone to have a job, have a business, help people support their families, give people safety and security, let people die respectably, and then go around the circle again. That's the American way! . . . but I'm not an American. I really shouldn't let my mind rot like this, but I just think there's got to be a better way . . .

Ah ... I've been listening to too much Alphaville.

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